EXERCISE 5. SELECT TEN OF THE FIFTEEN SENTENCES YOU WROTE FOR EXERCISE...

145) to a word, a clause to a phrase or even a word. Be a which hunter and eliminate all

unnecessary whiches (or thats).

WORDY

: The newscast which was televised this morning on a

local station described a suspicious car that had a

license plate from the state of North Dakota.

CONCISE

: This morning’s local television newscast described a

suspicious car with a North Dakota license plate.

Pretentious Language

Unless you are being humorous, do not use a longer word if a simpler one will do the

job. Save the longer word for a context in which the simpler one does not work.

PRETENTIOUS

: The feline member of our family loves to frolic, gam-

bol, and cavort for considerable periods of time with

the canine member of our family menage.

SIMPLER

: Our cat often plays with the family dog.

The first sentence might be acceptable in a humorous essay that mocks pretension.

Piled-up Modifiers

Avoid piling adjective upon adjective, adverb upon adverb. Where possible, use spe-

cific nouns and verbs to reduce the number of modifiers.

WORDY

: The young, immature baby of but a year walked un-

steadily and shakily across the floor into the out-

stretched, waiting arms of her waiting mother.

CONCISE

: The one-year-old tottered across the floor into her

mother’s outstretched arms.