WRITING (PART B—WRITING SAMPLE)■ DISTRACTING ERRORS IN SENTENCE STRUC...
Section 3: Writing (Part B—Writing Sample)
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distracting errors in sentence structureFollowing are the criteria for scoring THEA essays.■
imprecise word usage■
distracting mechanical mistakes such as errors inA “4” essay is a well-formed writing sample thatspelling and punctuationaddresses the assigned topic and conveys a unified mes-sage to its audience. Additionally, it has the followingA “1” essay is an incompletely formed writingsample that fails to convey a unified message. It has thecharacteristics:following additional characteristics:■
a clear purpose and focus■
controlled development of a main idea■
attempt at addressing the topic, which fails■
no clear main idea■
clear, concrete, and effective details supportingthe main idea■
language and style that are inappropriate to theaudience and purpose■
effective, error-free sentence structure■
precise and careful word choice■
attempt to present supporting detail which ismuddled and unclear■
mastery of mechanics such as punctuation andspelling■
attempt at organization but failure to present aclear sequence of ideasA “3” essay is an adequate writing sample that■
ineffective sentences, very few of which are free oferroraddresses the assigned topic and clearly attempts toconvey a message to its audience. Generally, it has the■
many distracting mechanical mistakes, such asA “U” essay is a writing sample that fails becauseI saw the canoe sweeping out, upright again, butof one or more of the following:empty, and Nina frantically swimming after it.I knew I should help but I was petrified andhung my head in shame as I let my friend brave the■
failure to address the assigned topictreacherous rapids and haul the canoe back onto■
illegibilitythe gravel bar, while I stood by cravenly.■
written primarily in a language other thanThen came the scream. Startled, I glanced upEnglishto see Nina, both hands over her eyes, dash off the■
length insufficient to scoregravel bar and back into the water. I gazed down intothe canoe to see, coiled in the bottom of it, theA “B” essay is a writing sample left completelyunmistakable, black-and-brown, checkerboard-pat-blank (that is, the test-taker did not respond at all).tered form of a copperhead snake. It had evidentlyFollowing are examples of scored writing sam-ples. (Note: There are some deliberate errors in all thebeen sunning itself peacefully on the weeping willowbranch when we passed by underneath.essays.)I don’t know exactly why. but the supposedlyinborn terror of snakes is something that has passedSample “4” essay
me by completely. I actually find them rather charm-Courage and cowardice seem like absolutes. We areing in a scaly sort of way.often quick to label other people, or ourselves, eitherNina was still screaming, near hysterics: “Kill“brave” or “timid,” “courageous,” or “cowardly.”it!” But I was calm in a way that must have seemedHowever, one bright afternoon on a river deep in thesmug. “We’re in its home, it’s not in ours,” Iwilds of the Ozark mountains, I learned that theseinformed her. And gently I prodded it with the oarqualities are as changeable as mercury.until it reared up, slithered over the side of theDuring a cross-country drive, my friend Ninacanoe, and raced away—terrified, itself—into theand I decided to stop at a campsite in Missouri andunderbrush.spend the afternoon on a float trip down Big PineyLater that night, in our cozy, safe motel room,River, 14 miles through the wilderness. We rented awe agreed that we each had cold chills thinkingcanoe and paddled happily off.about what might have happened. Still, I learnedThings went fine—for the first seven or eightsomething important from the ordeal. I know that,miles. We gazed at the overhanging bluffs, com-had we encountered only the rapids, I might havemented on the wonderful variety of trees (it wascome away ashamed, labeling myself a coward, andspring, and the dogwood was in bloom), and mar-had we encountered only the snake, Nina mightveled at the clarity of the water. Then, in approach-have done the same. And I also know that neither ofing a bend in the river (which we later learned wasus will ever again be quite so apt to brand anothercalled “Devil’s Elbow”) the current suddenly sweptperson as lacking courage. Because we will alwaysus in toward the bank, underneath the low-hangingknow that, just around the corner, may be the snakebranches of a weeping willow. The canoe tippedor the bend in the river or the figure in the shadowsover and I was pulled under, my foot caught for justor something else as yet unanticipated, that willa few seconds on the submerged roots of the willow.cause our own blood to freeze.Just as I surfaced, taking my first frantic gulp of air,Sample “3” essay
time he took me camping and I had a tent of myCourage can be shown in many ways and by manyown. I wanted to crawl in with him but he said therekinds of people. One does not have to be rich, orwas nothing to be afriad of. And I went to sleepeducated, or even an adult to show true courage.sooner than I would have expect. He taught me notFor example, a very heartbreaking thing hap-to be afriad.pened in our family. It turned out all right but at theThere are many reasons for courage. In a wartime it almost made us lose our faith. However, ita solder has to be couragous and a mother has to bealso taught us a lesson regarding courage. In spite ofno less couragous if she is rasing a child alone andour father’s and my repeated warnings, my brotherhas to make a living. So, in me it is totally alright toMatt went ice-fishing with some friends and fellbe afriad as long as you face your fear. I have beenthrough the ice into the frigid water beneath. He isgreatful to him ever since that night.prone to do things that are dangerous no matterIf we dont learn from our parents, like I didhow many times he’s told. Fortunately there werefrom my father, then we have to learn it after wegrown-ups near and they were able to throw him agrow up. But it is better to learn it, as a child. I havelife line and pull him to safety. However, when theynever been as afriad as I was that night, and I learnedgot him onto shore they discovered he was uncon-a valuble lesson from it.scious. There were vital signs but they were weak, theparamedics pronounced him in grave danger.Sample “1” essay
He is our little sisters (Nans) hero. He is 16 andCourage is important in a battle and also ordinaryshe is 13, just at the age where she admires every-life. In a war if your buddy depends on you and youthing he does. When they took him to the hospitallet him down he might die. Courage is also impor-she insisted on going that night to see him, and shetant in daly life. If you have sicknes in the famly orinsisted on staying with me there. My father thoughtif you enconter a mugger on the street you willwe should insist she go home, but it was Christmasneed all the courage you can get. There are manyvacation for her so there was no real reason. So hedangers in life that only courage will see youdecide to let her stay. She stayed every night for thethrough.whole week just to be by Matt’s side. And when heOnce, my apartment was burglerised and theywoke up she was there. Her smiling face the wasstole a TV and micro-wave. I didnt have very much.first thing he saw.They took some money to. I felt afraid when IIn spite of the fact she was just a child and itwalked in and saw things moved or gone. But I callwas frightning for her to be there beside her brotherthe police and waited for them inside my apartmentshe loves so much, and had to wonder, every day ifwhich was brave and also some might say stupid! Buthe would die, she stayed. So courage has many faces.the police came and took my statement and alsolater caught the guy. Another time my girlfreindand I were in my apartment and we looked out theSample “2” essay
Courage is not something we are born with. It iswindow and there was somebody suspisious out insomething that we have to learn.front. It turned out to be a false alarm but she wasFor example when your children are growingscard and she said because I was calm it made herup you should teach them courage. Teach them tofeel better. So courage was important to me, in myface lifes challanges and not to show there fear. Forrelatinship with my girlfreind.instance my father. Some people would say he wasSo courage is importand not only in war butharsh, but back then I didnt think of it that way. Onealso in life.