ESSAYPRACTICE AND PERFORM THESE EVALUATIONS, THE BETTER YOU’LLUSE THE...
Section 1: Essaypractice and perform these evaluations, the better you’llUse the following rubric to evaluate your writing. Thisunderstand exactly what your scorers are looking for.practice essay is included so you can work on time man-6
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Demonstrates outstanding writing skills■
Includes a clear and insightful point of view on the question and reflects excellent critical think-ing, using strong examples and other evidence to support this point of view■
Contains a strong organization and focus, a clear sense of unity, and a skillful flow of ideas■
Demonstrates a strong command of language, with varied and appropriate word choice, andmeaningful variation in sentence structure■
Contains few, if any, errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics5■
Demonstrates effective writing skills■
Includes a clear point of view on the question and reflects strong critical thinking, using goodexamples and other evidence to support this point of view■
Contains strong organization and focus, a sense of unity, and a flow of ideas■
Demonstrates a good command of language, with appropriate word choices and variation insentence structure■
Contains few errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics4■
Demonstrates competent writing skills, but the quality of the writing may be inconsistent■
Includes a point of view on the question and reflects competent critical thinking, using sufficientexamples to support this point of view■
Contains a general organizational plan and focus, with some unity and flow of ideas■
Demonstrates a sufficient but inconsistent command of language, with mostly appropriate wordchoice and some variation in sentence structure■
Contains some errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics3■
Demonstrates inadequate, but not incompetent, writing skills■
Includes a point of view on the question, reflecting some critical thinking, but this point of viewmay be inconsistent or incomplete, and support may be lacking■
Contains a limited organizational strategy and focus, with a weak or inconsistent sense of unityand flow of ideas■
Demonstrates a developing but weak command of language, with weak or inappropriate vocabu-lary, little or no variation in sentence structure, and may contain errors in sentence construction■
Contains many errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics2■
Demonstrates limited writing skills and may contain serious flaws■
Includes a limited or vague point of view on the question and reflects poor critical thinking,using inadequate or irrelevant examples or other support■
Displays a weak sense of organization and/or focus, and may lack unity and/or flow of ideas■
Demonstrates an inadequate command of language, with limited or incorrect vocabulary, andincorrect or flawed sentence structure■
Contains serious errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics that may make the writing difficult tounderstand1■
Demonstrates incompetence in writing and contains serious flaws■
Does not contain a point of view on the question, or provides little or no support for the pointof view■
Lacks organization and/or focus, unity, and a flow of ideas■
Contains serious errors in vocabulary and sentence structure■
Contains serious errors in grammar, usage, and/or mechanics that make the writing difficult to0■
An essay that does not answer the question, or is blank, receives a zero.(Adapted from The College Board)Here are examples of a couple of essays written on theaccess to modern medical care. Sadly, people whoassignment:are too poor to afford vaccinations and routinehealthcare for their children watch hopelessly asmany of those children succumb to illnesses andBenjamin Franklin is one of the greatest figures indiseases that are rarely fatal in this country.American history, but he wasn’t right about every-Money also enables us to afford better doctorsthing. His claim that “money never made a manand see specialists throughout our lives. If yourhappy, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature tochild has difficulty hearing, for example, and youproduce happiness” ignores the fact that moneyhave insurance (which costs money) or cash, youcan provide one thing that is essential to happiness:can see a hearing specialist and pay for therapy. Ifgood health.you have migraines that make you miserable, youWhile money can do nothing to change ourcan see a headache specialist and afford medica-genetic makeup and our physiological disposition totion and treatment. Having money also means beingillness and disease, it can give us access to betterable to afford preventative measures, such as tak-healthcare throughout our lives. This begins withing vitamins and having regular checkups. It meansprenatal care and childhood vaccinations. In impov-being able to afford products and services thaterished third-world countries, infant mortality ratescan enhance our health, such as gym memberships,are three, four, even ten times higher than in theorganic foods, and acupuncture.United States, and as many as one in four womenstill die in childbirth because they do not haveAnother important thing money can do iswith this statement. Because money can buyaccess to good healthcare. In my opinion, goodenable us to live in a healthy environment. Many ofhealthcare is essential to happiness. Therefore,the world’s poorest people live in dirty, dangerousplaces—unsanitary slums crawling with diseasesmoney can make you happy by keeping you healthy.Money in the first place buys good doctors.and health hazards of all sorts. In a particularlypoor area of the Bronx, for example, children had anWith money, you can afford all kinds of things, liketests that check for diseases and special treat-abnormally high rate of asthma because of a medicalwaste treatment plant that was poisoning their air.ments if you find something wrong. If your pregnantyou can get good prenatal care and have a goodMoney can also help us be healthy by enabling usbirth and in poor countries lots of women die into afford proper heating and cooling of our homes.childbirth and lots of babies die while their infants.This includes being able to afford a warm winterIf you have money you can buy an air condi-coat and the opportunity to cool off at a pool or intioner so it’s not too hot in the summer, and you canthe ocean. On a more basic level, it means being ableto afford heat in the winter and air conditioning inafford to have heat all winter. You can also stay outof poor areas like slums that are generally just badthe summer. During heat waves, victims of heatplaces to live. As they say, money can’t buy youstroke are often those who are too poor to affordlove, but I think it can probably buy you good health,air conditioning in their apartments. In extremeif you don’t feel good, it’s hard to be happy.cold, the same is true: people who freeze to deathor become gravely ill because of the cold are oftenThis essay score a 3. There is a loose organiza-those who are unable to afford high heating bills.tional structure, and the writer does take a stand, butHaving money may not make people happy, butit is weakened by a number of disclaimers, such as Iit goes a long way to keeping them healthy. And asthink it can probably buyand In my opinion. Remember,the saying goes, if you don’t have your health, youdon’t have anything.a direct, confident approach is best. Many points aremade for which there is no evidence or other types ofThis is a 6 essay. Here are the elements that makesupport (what is the connection between health andit strong:slums, for example?). Errors in grammar and spellingare plentiful, and include a sentence fragment, a run-dramatic hookon sentence, and confused words (their/they’re,five-paragraph structureyour/you’re). The conclusion is one sentence at thebody paragraphs each contain a main idea in aend of the last paragraph, and while it does generallytopic sentencereiterate the thesis, it is trite, has a weakening dis-claimer, and contains a comma splice.position is supported with evidence and detailsideas are well developedvery few grammatical, spelling, and mechanics